By Grant Tucker
Whether instructed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and straightforwardness unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly smart, they carry a distinct position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward thrust of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the paintings shape, there turns out no larger time to rejoice the immortal one-liner. during this publication, provide Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever instructed in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has the entire quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you will ever want – and an entire lot extra.
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Extra resources for 5,000 Great One Liners
I’m fed up with my boss forcing me to stand on one leg every single day. Tomorrow I’m putting my foot down. I’m about to have a cup of dangerous coffee. Safe tea first though. Reasons I don’t feel bad about illegally downloading music: 1. MTV Cribs. To protect yourself from identity theft, steal someone else’s identity. Lightning doesn’t strike twice. My mate asked if I wanted to play electric shock Monopoly. I jumped at the Chance. I’m not paranoid, but I’m sure people think I am. Some guy knocked on my door and asked me if I’ve ever considered an alternative energy supplier.
Doc is a play on Word. I saw a hilarious joke about Alzheimer’s by a guy with the same user name as me. My wife called me a useless druggie today. I almost fell off my unicorn. I bet the Icelandics were pretty pissed off when Eyjafjallajökull erupted. Well, shift happens. What do a near-sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose. I’m worried that my addiction to helter-skelters is spiralling out of control. Some helium floats into a bar and tries to order a drink. ’ The helium doesn’t react.
I came back with two litres of vodka and a keg. You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom. When I was young my mother said I could be anything I wanted to and that the sky was the limit. Which was a bit shit, because I wanted to be an astronaut. Before I go home from work, I always make sure that I turn everything off. Which is probably why I lost my job as a doctor. If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. My electrician mate accidentally blew the power to the ice-cube factory next door.
5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker